The Kindness Conundrum on Social Media

Be kind - even though social media doesn't reward it.

When we set out to create both our vanilla extract Facebook group of 130,000 members and our new business Facebook group that has just 115 members at the time of writing this article, we decided to make Kindness our first rule. 

This happened somewhat organically at first, as members of our extract making group commented very early on how much they appreciated the general kindness of our group members. We zeroed in on that recurring comment and incorporated kindness into our brand. As we joined dozens of other Facebook groups to educate ourselves about groups that are successful, we found that there is little focus on kindness and, in fact, are often just the opposite.

Furthermore, as we examined what posts in various social media groups trended the highest, it was usually the post that promoted the greatest level of controversy and incited the largest emotional response from the largest number of people. Angry and divisive posts almost always ranked among the most viewed and most clicked. 

Social media algorithms are written to reward communication that incites emotional behavior. And snarky, mean, and often offensive comments or posts result in the greatest number of clicks, retaliatory comments and emotional responses. And the more clicks, the better when you're in the business of selling advertising. 

So we realized very early that our emphasis on kindness is, in many ways, a disadvantage. In our groups, we take down posts and comments that are offensive. We remove people from our groups that are regularly insulting to other group members. We systematically remove the posts, comments and people that generate the anger that drives many "successful" posts. And, in doing so, we limit our ability to grow on social media as quickly as competitors that welcome the ire. 

So be it. 

We believe that people are inherently good and are in search of safe places where they can meet friends, speak openly, give and receive respect, ask questions that they may think are "dumb", and enjoy an environment where human kindness is valued, encouraged and rewarded. 

There are times when, as a business owner, you have to look past the smoke that often surrounds you, climb above it and look over the horizon. What do you see? How will your business fit in to that view? You may be right. You may be wrong. And therein lies the fundamental challenge and risk of going into business for yourself. You have to choose a strategy. 

But may I suggest that some strategies can be a win even in the face of failure? Betting on the best parts of human nature to rise to the forefront of society is always a good bet. Betting on America and the world succeeding is always a good bet. And if you lose, you will be remembered by those closest to you for fighting the good fight, vs. riding the bandwagon of cynicism, divisiveness and contempt for a few more clicks.  

Today we believe that the large majority of social media algorithms are flawed. That the rewards given to the contemptuous will lead to the greater search for kindness. Controversy is popular for a moment, while kindness is lasting. We think that society will choose kindness and our businesses will be there when they do. We envision a time when the most genuine and respectful posts rise to the top of all social media algorithms, because that's what people want most. 

Your business must stand for something. By standing for nothing, you're still choose to stand for something. So what will you choose? What brand will your business encapsulate? We hope it's kind. 

If you receive our emails, participate in our groups, talk to us on the phones or communicate with us in any way, we will always do our best to lead with kindness and respect. We won't be perfect. No business ever is. But the battlefield we choose to defend is the battlefield kindness. We hope you join us and we hope that our brand of kindness can make its way into your businesses and into your homes. 

Thanks for being on this journey with us,

Paul Fulton